A World-Record Breaking Karaoke Sadist in a Luchador Mask: Best of Marion Craigslist, Jan. 8 Edition

Sure it's now fully 2013, which promises to be just as bad as 2012 but without the Mayan end of the world to hope for. But at least there is the greatness of the Best of Marion Craigslist that you can clutch tightly to your chest for comfort.

Away we go!

I'm feeling nostalgic, let's start with a Craigslist Haiku

empathic new year

inspired awareness 
digital fingerpaint 
creative process 

Can you be a little more specific?

Daybreak

You work at a little store in a small town, I come in just to see you, .You are short, and cute and i wonder are you married? 

Are you proficient in weapons tactics for Guarding?

Wanted: Body guard

Ex army trained And proficient in weapons tactics for Guarding 

Hooking up at the Taco Bell

tacobell employee by marion 

I was at drive throu yesterday and u cought my eye. You look really sweet and sexy and I think ur name tag said kari on it. If u get this please send me a pic so I know its u and ill send u mine 

If this person really exists they are awful but this may be the greatest prose poem I've ever read

Crawl in a hole 

I had my best friend crying at my doorstop again because of you. Gaknar, Supergaknar, Isucamper, Noel Johanas Blansworth and whatever other aliases you are going by to now pick up women so you can subject them to your sick and twisted ways get some help.
Don't karaoke at Safari, run 5ks in nothing but boxer shorts and a luchadore mask. You are only making yourself seem more demented and pathetic. 
You let your wife suffer while you got a world record and wrote a book. She sacrificed her body to try and make a child for you and she became so weak . You dominated her and made her your puppet with nothing of her own. You know no means no....but you never thought of her as a person so it never mattered what she thought, felt or said...

Anyone want the tree that fell on this person's house? It's free

free tree just fell on my house today

i dont know what kind because of the snow, bring a chain saw if you want it for firewood 

Something sad about this one

Bowling Trophies (youth)

I have seven bowling trophies that were earned by my son.....some time ago.....
There esteem has diminished with time.
With a little dusting and a little re-purposing, another youths bowling pride could be lifted to new heights.

A mother looking for an activity partner

Lonely New Mother

My name is Cassie, I'm almost 21, and have been a mother for a splendid nine months. I'm looking for an energetic friend, male or female, (probably female because my husband is easily jealous), to be a gym buddy, go to movies with, or to simply have intellectual conversations with. The intellectual conversation is probably my biggest thing. I used to be a very avid, passionate writer, but since becoming a mother I find I'm neither motivated or inspired. I'm just dying for someone to kick both my mind and my body into gear. I find that without someone to share in my misery I won't do a single thing. 

Lost and Found

Lost R/C helicopter/quadcopter - (NE Cedar Rapids) 

Any news good or bad wanted-Missing Chloe

Free Lost Pet Help - (Cedar Rapids) 

Any news good or bad wanted-Missing Chloe - (Marion) pic 

Found Small Dog - (SE near McKinley middle school) 

Small black and White change pouch - 

Found Yellow Cat - (Czech Village) 

Found Sunglasses -  (robins) 

LG cell phone - (Club Basix or Perkins) 

Found Golden Retriever